living life yellow.
the ramblings of a girl with endometriosis
So if you're reading this post and are like "wtf is going on here?"
Please read Part 1 first.
So the dilators turned up... They are so intimidating looking.
They arrived on Tuesday morning and now it's Thursday evening so it's taken me a wee while to work up the courage to try them out.
But to be fair, have a look at this. These are them. All I have really been thinking about is how the hell that largest one is going to ever fit in!
But we persist, positive vibes only... ;)
The dilators take 2 double a batteries to get them to vibrate and I'll tell ya what! They are not "quiet or discrete" at all! Whilst Leo and I were setting them up we were shocked at how loud the vibration setting was. Imagine your phone on overdrive!
It also came with the knobbly sleeve thing. Again, weird looking. Leo's theory is that they add it in so once you "fix ya vag," you can use it for pleasure.
Today, I finally worked up the courage to use it. I prepared a hot water bottle, ready if I got sore and made sure I had lube on hand. Leo was sitting in front of me, cracking jokes to keep me at ease. He was also the one googling "How to use a dilator," as turns out, neither of us really knew what I was meant to be doing.
We came to the conclusion (correct me if I'm wrong... pretty sure there is no real right way to be doing this..) that I could insert the dilator till it was "uncomfortable" for around ten minutes and whilst it was inside me, do kegels; hold for 6 seconds, relax for 20 seconds. (Learn more about kegels here)
I guess the general idea is to "desensitise," or get your vag used to this kind of feeling and teach yourself to relax whilst doing it - because pain with sex can be just as mental as it is physical!
So the time came. I lubed up the dilator and inserted it.
I'm not going to lie to you. It did hurt. But that was expected. Once it was in, it was tolerable. I put the vibrations on low, to see if that would help relax me and it did a little. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. It was meh.
Obviously I'm not going to take any photos or videos because this is not a porno but here's a selfie of me tolerating vibrations in my vag to save my sex life.
It definitely was a weird feeling. One that will take a while to get used too. It makes me laugh writing that line because I pretty much said the same thing about my acupressure mat when I first tried it.
I began doing kegels. Yes, it was uncomfortable but it was my first time so it's not going to be a walk in the park. I didn't find it super difficult to do, just a little weird. I tried moving the dilator in and out and wiggling it around a wee bit to see how it felt. It was sore, but again, that's kinda the point. Thankfully time went faster than I expected it to and the ten minutes was up before I knew it.
Overall; it wasn't as bad or scary as I expected it to be. I'm going to try use it everyday. I'm not sure when I'll be ready to go up the next size. I'm assuming it's when I'm totally fine with the smallest one and get no discomfort from it. I definitely suggest chucking on a podcast or some music in the background to make it a less awkward experience.
Part 3 will be up probably in a week or so... Let you know if I'm noticing a difference.