living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
This has been the first blog post that I have been apprehensive to write. It's super personal but I wished there was more people who shared their experiences like this so I would feel less alone.
Mum, Dad, Grandma... Please don't read this blog post...
Hello, my name is Jasmine, I'm 19 years old and as I've stated before; Sex fucking hurts.
So it's gonna get pretty personal from here on now. I'm gonna be talking about my vagina a lot so prepare yourself.
If you're a regular here on my blog (thanks!) you will know that I have endo and I also have a super supportive partner called Leo. He puts up with all my shit and I put up with his. We have a pretty awesome relationship and I think I'm pretty lucky to have him in my life.
Sex is a pretty key part to every relationship. Unfortunately, for us, it has been pretty non-existent. One of the symptoms of endometriosis is dyspareunia which is a fancy word for painful sex. After many months of trying and being in pain, I gave in.
The other day I brought a dilator.
Please note that I said dilator, not sex toy. Yes, it may go up my vag and may or may not vibrate but I highly doubt this is going to give me pleasure.
So a dilator (incase you were wondering..) is a set of round tipped cylinders that range from a small size to a larger size. They are used to stretch the walls of the vagina so penetration becomes more comfortable. It's physiotherapy for your vag.
I've been pretty hesitant to try a dilator for a few reasons. One being that even the idea of something going up, or anywhere near my vag makes me freak out a little. The second being I was embarrassed. I felt like my body was broken (which it kinda is lol) and that I was letting my partner down. I'm in my apparent "sexual prime" yet even just a touch caused me so much physical and psychological pain. I felt like I was weird.
This is the set I brought. Purely because it was the first one that came up when I googled "dilators nz."
Some of the features that come with this set are:
It's pretty intimidating and I am super nervous to try it. I feel like no one ever talks about their shitty sex lives so it can feel pretty isolating sometimes. But fear not. Whether I like it or not, I'm going to share with you my dilator experiences. It's going to be scary. It's going to be interesting. We are probably going to have a few laughs along the way.
I hope you chose to come along with this weird rollercoaster ride with me...
Part 2 will be up once it arrives and contain my first impressions.