living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
*** Rant ahead***
There is no known cure for endometriosis.
I have to accept that a 100% pain free life might not happen for me.
Last week I ended up in hospital yet again. This time with possible appendicitis but turns out it was most likely just endo pains. I don't know why this upset me so much but it did. Since my last surgery I have been feeling so much better and had convinced myself (stupid girl) that I was going to be good for at least a couple of years. Apparently not..
To me, I feel like everything is starting go go downhill again. Last year it started with a bad flare up and a hospital trip. Here we are again and I'm not sure if I can go through the emotional stress of trying to feel better again. I feel so deflated and I have no clue what to do about it.
At this stage I am willing to try anything to be able to be at least comfortable during the day.
A "good" day to me means:
I have no clue why I was so naive to the fact that my pain wasn't going to get worse again. There is no cure for endometriosis. It grows back.
I think my biggest fear is that it's all just in my head, and that nothing is actually wrong with me. I hate the idea that I could just be mentally putting myself through this. I'm worried that no doctor is going to take me seriously. I am scared that I'm going to have to wait forever to finally get the help I need.
I just want to be able to be a normal teenager again. I want to be able to go out and celebrate my friends birthdays, or make plans to go to fun events but I can't. I'm the biggest flake in the world because my body hates me. I'm too scared to go out and about because I never know when a flare up will strike. I don't want to be stuck in a situation like that in public.
It's gotten to the stage where I wish I had the money to start trying all the random/alternative solutions such as crystal therapy, supplements/vitamins, physiotherapy, acupuncture... The list goes on. I would honestly try anything that could possibly help tone down my pain.
I am just over it.
PS sometimes I wish I was a patient at Shortland Street