living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
This story starts about a year ago. It's also not really related to endo but hey, it's my blog, I can do what I like.
Last year it was my final year of high school. Seven years I had been at this school with no problems whatsoever, until the end of last year. Going to an all girls school, you tend to get a bit of bitchy-ness but I never really got involved. I had a good group of friends and didn't think there was anyone who had a problem with me. Apparently I was wrong.
I, and a few other girls, were regular subject matter to an imessage group chat that contained approx. 20 girls in it, Everyone knew the group chat existed. Only selected people were invited to join. It was our schools version of "The Plastics," and we joked that their group chat was the burn book.
I thought I was friendly enough with these girls. I had many classes with them, and don't think I ever did anything to bring this on. I suppose I was an easy target. I opened myself up online (much what I'm doing now,) and happened to sit next to the ring leader of it all in one of my classes. Every. single. thing. I did was reported back to this group chat and was roasted about. I knew they would talk about me behind my back but I never really realised how much it actually hurt me until one of the girls who was a part of the group showed me because she felt uncomfortable about what was going on.
I stopped going to classes. I avoided the girls as much as I could. I had meetings with the deputy principal to discuss it and arranged a meeting to "talk it out," with the girl who really started it all. She apologised. We moved on.
Which brings us to today.
Almost a year later I'm still so mad and hurt about what these girls did. It especially cuts deep when the girl who apologised to me writes a blog post about mental health and saying "it took her years to stop hating the girl that read her diary and spread the contents." That is what you did to me. You took my private information and shared and made fun of it along with others. It makes me feel like your very scripted apology was nothing. This is an open letter to her. She will know who she is, and so will the other girls involved. It wouldn't surprise me if you guys read my blog to just "roast," it. You guys hurt me and it still cuts deep.
I had so much respect for you and so did others. I suppose thats how you got a leadership role, followed by a scholarship. You stood up in front of everyone else and talk about mental health when you dragged others down. You were so friendly to my face. You all were. I guess that's why it hurt so bad.
Writing this post is a way for me to vent. I'm not trying to be petty but I'm showing that my feelings and emotions about this are still present. I didn't get apologies from majority of the girls involved. Thinking about it all today it just seems so irrelevant now. Most of them don't even live in the same city as me yet it still makes me feel so uncomfortable. I don't even know why. Your blog post shows me that you know how I feel now, yet you did the same thing to me.
I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to end this blog post. I feel stupid for still being mad/angry/livid/bitter about it all. I felt the need to write this post. Probably for my own selfish reasons. It feels good to type everything out and share it with others. I also love getting the advice I get from others through this blog. The support has been so amazing <3
But yeah, I really shouldn't of expected to get through high school without a hiccup at some stage. A school of 800 girls and seven years, a lot more could have potentially gone wrong. Girls will be girls, right? Beware of the plastics ;)