living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
Felt like writing so here I am. I feel like every blog post starts with me apologising for being so shit about writing here. It also usually is when I'm wide awake in bed, a little doped on painkillers and listening to dodie on repeat. It's almost nostalgic.
As the tittle states, dating is hard and boys are dumb. I've been single for 10 months now and it's been great. I've learnt a lot about myself but it's also lowkey exhausting.
This is probably going to be a super complain-y and downbuzz blog post so there's that warning. It's just getting to the point where I just can't be fucked with boys. The last year has been filled with some characters in terms of dating. I've met some amazing guys who I've actually become good friends with, or I get led on and then get hurt. There is no in between.
My theory to this is that I'm quite a big extrovert. I love being around people, it's what I thrive off. I'm also an enneagram type 2 which means I'm a bit of a "helper" which means I get attached to people super easily - not the best trait.
But as a type 2, my biggest fears is not being loved or not feeling wanted which really hits hard. I constantly need validation which makes being single hella hard. On a bit of a side note, if you haven't done the enneagram quiz it's actually really interesting (and exposing.) Myer briggs is also another good personality test- I'm an ENFJ. These tests have helped me learn and understand myself a bit better. It's also cool because you can follow the instagram pages/subreddits for your type and get helpful info or memes you can relate too.
There's also the health side of things. This year has been a better health year but we still not doing too flash. This is particularly hard to explain to guys why you struggle to get out of bed in the morning not just because you're lazy but you're actually incapable of sitting up. When I do bring up endo usually their response is "yeah my mum/sister/cousin/friend/ex had that." which I personally hate because endo affects everyone differently and it means they're coming into my life with pre- conceived ideas of how someone with endo acts/copes with it. To someone who isn't really accustomed to the chronic illness life, the late night hospital trips and popping tramadol on the regular can be a bit much.
At the end of the day it would just be cool to have someone to come home too. and to cook for. Because honestly, when I'm just cooking for me, making an actual meal is a lot of work, and dishes for just one person. I'd like to think I'd put in more effort when it's not just little ol' me.
Someone air drop me a husband please.