living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore Christmas. As soon as my birthday is over in June, the countdown to Christmas begins. But this time of year is super overwhelming for me, and others with chronic illnesses, because there we don’t get a break. Even on Christmas, we are still unwell. My chronic illness this year, in particular has made me feel a little bit isolated. I’m going to assume that I’m not the only one who feels this way, guess I would just let it all out.
“What do you want for Christmas?”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this from family, friends and even making small talk with people, everyone wants to know what’s on your wishlist.
This year I have been joking round with “a new uterus,” or a cure for endo but the one thing that I seriously want for Christmas this year is new underwear.
Listen, now hear me out. As a person who bleeds, sometimes spontaneously a lot, having new underwear honestly brings me so much joy.
I’m not even talking about expensive fancy lingerie. I want something that has an elastic waistband, isn’t too expensive because it will eventually get ruined, and is a size bigger than what I need so that way it still fits when I’m bloated. Give me some granny undies and I’ll be the happiest girl in the world.
Things that I greatly appreciate as gifts nowadays are things that help me deal with my disability. This is something that I kinda feel weird about, because it’s awesome being gifted something that I need and is useful to me and this person has really thought about me and considered my life problems. However, I don’t want to be reminded that my life can be pretty difficult sometimes. I noticed when I drafted up a Christmas wish list for my partner this year that majority of the items on it was things to help me feel better and live a somewhat normal life.
Also, why does everything have to revolve around eating or drinking? Nine times out of ten, a Christmas activity revolves round food. This is great but and I love festive food but IBS is a bitch. Eating and drinking is a risky game for me to play. Yes I have a few dietary restriction that I don’t stick too. This is mainly because when I’m out, it’s very hard to find something that fits those requirements because no one ever brings a gluten free/dairy free/FODMAP friendly dish to an event. So I just YOLO it. This usually leads to many regrets and me being very unwell.
I don’t really drink alcoholic drinks because I can’t take my meds once I’ve had a drink. Alcohol also flares up my pain. New Zealand already has a pretty bad drinking culture here so the “being merry” season doesn’t really help that.
As I mentioned earlier, I don’t really get a break from my pain. Going out to the supermarket is exhausting and painful enough for me let alone going to christmas parties and events for the 3 weeks leading up Christmas/my surgery on the 20th of December. Being out and about is great fun, but there is only so much I can do. I hate saying no to things because I am so scared of missing out on the fun. This is kinda big deal for me because one of the main things that gets me down about my chronic illness is missing out on things. Sometimes I don’t even get invited to things anymore because people just assume I’m going to be too unwell to go, which makes me feel extra sad when I see everything come up on snapchat. All I want to be able to do this festive season is spend time with my loved ones, without over doing it myself.
I love Christmas, but it’s starting to get pretty hard for me.
Please how you deal with Christmas while having a chronic illness. That would be greatly appreciated.
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