living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
This blog post has been inspired by one of my favourite endo bloggers Olivia (Who runs Everyday Endo blog.) She challenged some other endo bloggers and myself to write about endometriosis and infertility.
The most asked question I get when talking about endo with people is "Will you be able to have kids?"
It's a bit of an awkward convo to have because all I can really say is "I don't know."
Having endometriosis means you run of the risk of being infertile or having fertility issues. Some ladies have no problem getting pregnant and produce a healthy baby but some struggle and have numerous miscarriages. The thing is, you don't really know until you start trying.
I've spent a large amount of time not knowing what I want to do with my life, but one thing I do know is that I want to be a mum one day. Never would I thought that I would be concerned about my fertility at the age of 19. It's one of my biggest fears not being able to have kid or even worse, get pregnant then lose the baby. Even writing this blog post has proven quite mentally draining for me. Like I'm 19, I'm noway ready to have a child of my own, yet I'm so scared of the unknown struggles/joys that lie ahead for me. Most 19 year olds are focussing on partying, uni or travel where all I can seem to focus on is how can I help my body grow something that isn't endometriosis. It's no longer "when I have kids.." it's "if i have kids.." I don't think I could handle the heartbreak.
Doctors have even had the nerve to tell me that having a baby would "cure" my endo;
1) Having a baby sometimes makes no difference to your endo.
2) I'm 19, I can hardly look after myself, let alone a tiny human.
3) What if I can't have a baby, makes this shitty situation even worse.
It just sucks because there really is nothing I can do. I could try endless tips/tricks/cures I find on the internet. Plus everyone seems to have their own opinion on what could help me. I could just take countless numbers of vitamins and supplements until the day I decide I want to grow something positive inside me and even then it might not work.
At the end of the day everything happens for a reason and things tend to have a way of working themselves out in the end. All I can really do is wait, stay positive and not get my hopes too high. Worst case scenario, I adopt a bunch of dogs and become a crazy dog lady? I don't think I would mind that at all ;)