living life yellow.
the ramblings of a 21 year old
So I've started slacking on the blogs again so sorry.. Let's just accept my procrastination and move on..
Next week on Saturday (June, 9th, 2018) I would have been alive for 20 years! That's two decades. It doesn't even feel that long ago that I was celebrating my 10th birthday with a high school musical themed party.
20 is quite a daunting age to me. I guess it's because I'm no longer a teenager and at 20, I'm going to have to be a "real" adult. I'm terrified and excited at the same time.
I am also taking turning 20 as time to reflect. I like to do this so that way I can remember that the past 20 years were not a total waste of time!
Here is 20 things I learnt before I turned 20!
1) Mum knows best.
As much as I hate to admit it, my Mum actually knows whats best for me. As I have gotten older, and especially in the past year, I have needed my Mum more than ever. All the "friendly reminders" (nagging) is to keep me on track, and without that, I don't know where I would be today. I have also learnt that I can talk to Mum about anything and I wish I did more growing up.
Am I the only one who when having a flare up my self care just goes out the window?
During a flare for me I tend to just not do anything and wallow in self pity. It's not the most healthy thing to but it's just what happens. As soon as the pain starts rolling in I turn into a hermit and hibernate for a few hours (days..)
To try combat this problem I have going on I came up with a list of things to do when I'm feeling horrible to make myself feel somewhat better. Whenever I have a long flare when I've spent a lot of time in bed, or am feeling depressed, I refer back to this list to help me get back on my feet.
I don't think I look depressed. Or anxious for that matter. I suppose I don't even look like a sick person most days either. But here I am.
When I was young, I was what my mum describes as "the life of the party." I was a happy child. But now, sometimes I just feel sad, or anxious, for no reason. I feel numb. I don't want to talk to anybody, I just want so sleep it all off. I have no motivation to do anything. For example, it's taking me a lot of willpower to force this blog post out of my brain. I hate it.
Nothing traumatic has happened to me in my life so the doctor is putting it down to a serotonin (the chemical that makes you happy) deficiency and that at the moment, my endo is making life pretty tough. I started taking amitriptyline in august last year, after my parents and boyfriend became worried about my "low moods." I soon changed to nortriptyline as I could handle the side effects better, but I was noticing no change in my mood. At the start of this year, everything became tough again, so my doctor prescribed me fluoxetine (Prozac) and stuck with it ever since.
So I'm pretty over being in pain, as most of us are. You could tell me to stand on one foot and spin in a circle with my tongue out to cure my pains and I probably would! At this point, I'm so desperate to feel even slightly better that I would try anything!
A while ago I came across this video by BuzzFeed:
I was so intrigued that I started searching for people in my area who specialise in this alternative form of therapy.
I sent this email to every person in Christchurch who does Reiki and Crystal Therapy:
"Hi, My name is Jasmine and I have pretty bad endometriosis. It is ruining my life. Do you think you could help me? I look forward to hearing back from you. Jasmine."
Within a couple of hours I had an email back..